Tag: Marriage

Is Marital Sex for Personal Gratification?

No.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

In all seriousness, the answer is ‘no’. Of course it’s okay if you enjoy sex (within the bounds of Biblical marriage), but enjoyment is not why God created it. Sex actually serves two purposes. One is the production of children. God told Adam and Eve (and by extension, the rest of us) to “be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and steward it” (Genesis 1:28). The second — the one I want to highlight today — is union. This is also rooted in creation. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24).

This second reason is what Hosea is highlighting in today’s reading. God (via Hosea) uses a sexual metaphor to talk about the re-union of Israel to Himself. This is meant to help us understand that our commitment to God is singular, intimate, and eternal. It is an act of devotion. Obviously with God these adjectives describe a NON-sexual encounter, but nonetheless our refusal to be devoted in this way is compared to prostitution!

In the same way for our marriages to be Biblical, the primary reason for sexual union should not be an orgasm. The primary reason is an expression of singular, intimate, eternal devotion. That’s why we’ve called it “making love”. This brings me back to my pity opening statement…

The title of today’s devo asks, “Is Marital Sex for Personal Gratification?” and my response, “No”, while technically true does not tell the whole story. The answer is, of course, that while personal gratification IS an outcome of the sexual union, it is not the primary or even secondary purpose. Instead, that gratification is a reward for our faithfulness and devotion.

Cut The Baby In Half!

(An excursus on selfishness)

This is a very famous and very crazy story. Two prostitutes who are also roommates (it would make sense for the prostitutes to room together, I wouldn’t be surprised if there were more than just the two) give birth around the same time. One woman’s baby dies during the night, so she swaps it with the other woman’s baby. The matter eventually comes before Solomon who decides to cut the baby in half and give half to each claimant. Well, obviously the real mother would rather her baby live a full life with someone else than die in her arms, so she pleads for the baby to instead be given to the other woman. The other woman — meanwhile — consents to having the baby murdered! Solomon recognizes that no parent in their right mind would prefer to kill their own child! And so the baby is rightly given to the woman who sought to have its life spared.

This story is always touted as an exemplar of Solomon’s wisdom, as this certainly was a shrewd move by the king, but what stood out for me as I re-read this story today was the value of the child. I don’t think Solomon ever actually intended to bifurcate the child. I think he was playing a high-stakes bluff. Because he knew how much parents valued their children — I suspect mothers even more so (because they get a 9-month head-start). And this shows right thinking.

Children are deeply valued by God. The first command given to Adam and Eve was to “be fruitful and multiply”. That was the first one! God uses the paradigm of family to frame our relationship with Him. We are called CHILDREN of the Most High; sons and daughters of the Lord. When children are buzzing around Jesus, the Disciples try to move them away so He can tend to the important adults, but Jesus insists that they allow the children to stay! Even going as far as to declare that we should be LIKE THEM.

But today we see children as a status symbol. Look at the celebrities who thrust their “transgender” children into the spotlight to show how accepting and affirming they are as parents. Look at the parents who try to live vicariously through their children by forcing them into athletics, dance, acting, or whatever other activity the PARENTS love and want to be “proud of their children” for. We see parents who don’t want to go through the trauma of pregnancy hiring a womb so that they can have a child on THEIR terms, regardless of what might be best for the actual child. Down’s syndrome was nearly eradicated in Iceland… because they would screen for it and abort (read: kill) any baby who had it! This is called eugenics and when the Nazi’s used this methodology to create the “ideal” human it was rightly discredited and abhorred. But now it’s cool, I guess.

And in the same vein, we only want children when it is convenient for US. We wouldn’t want children to get in the way of our career, goals, lifestyle, or really ANYTHING that would be the least bit inconvenient. The individualism of the West has led us to this place where the instinct to become mothers and fathers is dulled and has become an afterthought to our own happiness and fulfillment (marriage is regarded much the same way). Studies have shown that people report being happier cooking, shopping, and even watching TV(!) than spending time with their kids when they get home from work.

Do you see it? It’s all about me! My happiness! I want, I need, I require! We have become our own gods, and it’s easy to tell because we worship ourselves. And we only want things that will make OUR lives better. It’s little wonder then, that when we look to God, we want to know what is in it for US. What’s the trade-off? What do I get in exchange for my time and effort? Let’s break out the scales and see if this is a good deal. Because it’s all about me. That’ll probably work out fine for the rest of your life.

But after that? The outlook is less positive. Remember: God is love (real, pure, honest love). Marriage helps us understand one aspect of that love; the part that shows a desire for commitment and unity represented in the union of Christ and His church at the end of this world. And parenthood helps us understand another aspect of that love; the part that loves unconditionally and would die without thought or hesitation to protect that child as represented in the sacrifice of Jesus for our sin at Calvary.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8a, NIV

Don’t be afraid to do what God has asked us to do. Take a chance and learn to love. Really love. Like Jesus did. Like God does.

In Defence of Michal

This story is a famous one, which produced the Matt Redman-penned worship chorus “Undignified”. The Ark of the Covenant is finally returning to Jerusalem and there is a grand celebration. I imagine it like the arrival of Prince Ali into Agrabah in Disney’s “Aladdin”. And there is David dancing and singing and praising the God who had anointed, protected, delivered, and sustained him through countless battles and difficult decisions. Meanwhile, his first wife — Michael — is scowling from her second-floor window, then she comes down to meet David. He is wearing an exuberant grin while she accuses him of being undignified and unbecoming of a king. The last we are told of Michael comes in 2 Samuel 6:23 where she remains childless until her death.

Over the years I have continually heard how terrible Michael is here. The angry, bitter, queen of sourpuss castle. Yet, every time I read this story it breaks my heart. Here is a woman who has been little more than a political pawn her entire life. First Saul uses the promise of her hand in marriage to lure David into a situation where he will hopefully be killed (but David kills 200 Philistines), then she betrays her father to successfully help David escape… yet he never returns for her. Instead he marries two other women. So she re-marries. Then some time later David decides he wants her back, and so she is torn from the arms of her current husband in a dramatic scene that would tug the heartstrings of even the most calloused individual. This excellent article by the Gospel Coalition summarizes Michael’s life thusly:

Used. Abandoned. A victim of infidelities. Rejected. Scorned. Kidnapped. This just about sums up Michal’s life.
Lynne Moses, https://africa.thegospelcoalition.org/article/coping-with-a-husbands-betrayal-a-lesson-from-michal/

Michal did not see God’s victories. She didn’t see God’s provision. She saw a man who already had two other wives, forcefully bring her back into his home, then add many more wives again. She knew little of God and of grace and David failed her. That’s right. David failed her. This confrontation was an opportunity to see how hurt she was. How far from God. How he had not taken care of her needs (never mind paying ANY attention to Deuteronomy 17:17). David didn’t need to apologize for dancing, but he DID need to apologize for being a poor husband to his wife.

I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating: David is regarded as great by history BECAUSE God used Him. Sometimes we think David was a great man. False. David was a man who was deeply flawed (as each of us are), but who sought the Lord. David did a poor job of shoring up his weak side, and we will continue to see how this becomes his downfall, and indeed even the downfall of his son.

Just because David did many good things doesn’t mean we need to give him a pass for the bad things he did. There were warning signs along the way to Bathsheba, and he ignored them. He blew through the stop sign then found himself in a wreck. It’s hardly surprising. Perhaps if he had taken batter care of his first wife, he could have finished his race with a better win-loss record.

He need to live in a way that communicates the Gospel with those we love. I would be heartbroken as a pastor if my wife and kids felt like I cared more about the church than I did about them. If they were bitter at God not because of HIS actions, but because of MINE. Let’s make sure we take care of those in our own households, too.

2 Samuel 6:12-23; 1 Chronicles 15-16 | 113/365

Digging Deeper

Leviticus often gets a bad rap for being “boring”. Disagree. Leviticus is drastically underrated. Numbers, however, I am fully ready to admit can seem like a slog at times. Today’s passage is a prime example of just that. Upon first reading this can be a dry, repetitive list seemingly without any purpose. But I think there are several things we can pull out of today’s chunk. This is sort of a potpourri, but next year I’ll go deeper on one of them. haha

1) The Tabernacle and its furnishings have been set aside for the Lord, but now they are anointed for that purpose. Much like the Levites themselves are anointed before the people for service to the Lord, so too are the instruments of that service. Why would this ceremony be necessary?

2) When God speaks to Moses, He speaks from the Place of Atonement, the Mercy Seat atop the Ark. This underscores not God’s holiness, justice, or provision… but His mercy. Why is that what He chooses to highlight?

3) All 12 tribes come on consecutive days to bring the exact same offering. And each is counted out in meticulous detail. Why is it important that all members of the community of faith are contributing to the work of the faith with the same devotion and giving?

4) The tribes of Judah, Issachar, Zubulun, Reuben, and Simeon are the first to bring their offerings. These presentations do not follow birth order… so what (if anything) is the significance to this order? Perhaps worth noting that the first 5 tribes are all the direct descendants of Jacob’s first wife, Leah. What does this signal about marriage?

5) Of all the tribes, Judah is first to offer. What do we know about the future of the tribe of Judah that might make this noteworthy?

We could still look at the animals, ages, genders, weights, materials, contents, etc. What I’m saying is: don’t settle for a surface reading. All scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training to equip us for every good work.

Numbers 7 | 046/365

Adding Value to Your Life and the Lives of Others

Abraham is worried about who his son, Isaac, will choose to marry. And so he sends out his oldest servant to find his a wife — not among the Canaanites in the foreign land they inhabited, but from among his own people, Israel. The servant arrives and sets 3 criteria when he prays to find a woman who says, “Yes (kindness) have a drink (service) and I will water your camels too (thoughtfulness).”

This is a woman who exemplifies the love of God. She had drawn the water for herself and her family, it’s not like she was hoping to bump into someone to give it to. Now she gave her water to this foreign visitor, and not only that, she had to make at a minimum two more trips to the well. One or more for the camels, and one or more for her original purposes. She fulfilled not only the request of the stranger, but saw — and met — an unspoken need as well.

We should strive to be like Rebekah. Adding value to the lives of others through kindness, and observation, and service. And we should surround ourselves with Rebekahs who will do the same. In that way we can carry and support each other as we seek to emulate Christ.

Have a blessed Sunday. See you at church.

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